• Fat Bear Week postponed after fat bear murdered: Fat Bear Week, the annual celebration of animal obesity at Alaska’s Katmai National Park & Preserve (an event commonly confused with San Francisco’s Pride Parade), was delayed this week after a male bear, identified as 469, fatally attacked a female bear, known as 402, in a shocking display of toxic masculinity and male violence that was captured on the park’s widely viewed livestream. In response to the tragedy, park officials said that they have no plans to enact justice for 402, stating that this is simply part of what bears do. When reached for comment, Bear 469 stood on his hind legs and growled. Voting for the fattest bear resumed on Tuesday.

Katie Herzog